In order to feel confident, it’s important to know why you want to start feeling confident:
You may have heard the phrase, “Know thyself,” before. It’s an ancient Greek saying from Socrates that is still relevant today. In order to feel confident about who you are, it’s important to know why you want to feel confident. This can help you figure out what confidence means to you, and understand the benefits of being confident.
What does confidence mean:
The dictionary definition of confidence is “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust”. Confidence is also defined as “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities”. Confidence has many synonyms like assurance and poise, which further expand on this idea of a calm and sure state of mind.
Whether your confidence comes from studying hard for a class or excelling at a sport with pure talent. Take time now to think about the reasons why being confident matters to you.
Here are a few things to define for yourself:
- What does confidence mean to you?
- How would it feel to start feeling confident?
- What are the downsides of not being confident?
Discover your purpose:
When it comes to feeling confident about who you are, discovering your purpose is key. Your purpose could be a number of things. Maybe you want to hit a certain goal weight, learn a new language, or build something out of wood. Whatever it is, by working toward that purpose—and by understanding yourself better in the process—you’ll feel more confident in who you are and be empowered to do whatever else you want to do. In fact, the process will probably lead to discovering all kinds of passions and interests that you never even knew you had!
If this all seems scary and foreign to you, don’t worry. We’re here for you! Think of us as your personal cheerleading squad (we can have matching uniforms if it makes this easier). You’ve got this!
There are in fact two types of purpose:
Here at The You Series & through our coaching programs, we cover 3 types of purpose.
Firstly, we look at accepting what is in this moment & extracting the purpose of your present experience. So many people live in resistance to ‘the now’ which makes them unhappy.
Secondly, we look at creating a purpose that you can live by 24/7. You want to be experiencing this purpose in everything you do. For example here is an example of a purpose you cannot experience 24/7 “Helping other women get out of abusive relationships.” You cannot experience this while watching TV which takes away from fulfillment. So we look at creating a purpose that works 24/7 and is always inspiring you, fulfilling you, and allowing you to feel on purpose.
Lastly, we look at a true life purpose. What are you here to create and service others with. This work always comes at the back end of all the other confidence and self-discovery work that we do because it’s something that comes through after processing a lot of other levels of internal stuff.
If you have the desire to get clear on what your purpose is, you crave to learn more about yourself and you find yourself feeling lost and confused about your direction or past choices in your life. You want to stop questioning and doubting yourself in your relationships. Stop losing hours on end not feeling good about yourself and questioning your every move in your relationships. You would like to start reducing your insecurity & building back your confidence to, start feeling confident, powerful, and free to be yourself in your relationships.
Check out our coaching platform where we help women/men struggling with low self-confidence around the world. Create Confident You Now.
Focus on your strengths:
Perhaps the most important thing to remember when it comes to focusing on your strengths is that you don’t have to do it on your own. Ask friends and family members to help you identify what they perceive as your strengths, and then rate them in terms of their importance to you.
If you can’t think of any, consider taking a Career Strengths Test online or in a book for help with this process.
Here are a few great free online testing resources:
- 16 Personalities
- My Personal Leadership Style (4 different styles)
- Discover Your Enneagram (9 total enneagrams)
Focus on your top 3 strengths:
Once you’ve identified your top three strengths, focus on each one individually. Whether it’s running an extra mile or writing an extra chapter of your novel, figure out how spending just ten minutes extra per day doing something related to each strength will positively impact your life.
How to practice focusing on those 3 strengths:
Focusing on specific strengths at different times throughout the day, week, month, or year (depending on how often you practice this), giving yourself recognition for each accomplishment, and setting new goals based on previous accomplishments will allow you to start feeling confident in who you are while also allowing those around you have the opportunity to recognize how amazing these traits are as well.
It might not seem like it, but at the end of the day, your opinion of yourself is what matters most. It’s impossible to control what other people think about you and how they act towards you. And even though everyone has their own insecurities, comparing yourself to others never accomplishes anything.
It’s also important to do things that make you happy. No matter who you are or what other people think of you, if you’re happy with yourself and your life then that’s all that really matters. It doesn’t matter if other people judge the way you act or dress or talk – as long as what you’re doing makes sense to you, then don’t worry about it!
At the end of the day, be true to who you are and don’t try to be someone else. You’ll only feel worse about yourself if you try to be something that isn’t real–you’re much better off being comfortable in your own skin than trying to fit into a mold made by someone else!
A few core things to remember when you are focusing on being yourself:
- Don’t compare yourself to others, you are uniquely you.
- Do what makes you happy but don’t hurt others in the process. (We will talk later about staying in alignment with your values.)
- Be true to yourself, don’t try to be a certain way for other people.
- Don’t try to be someone else. This will be very hard on your spirit if you’re constantly trying to be someone else. It’s much more freeing to embrace who you are.
- Be comfortable, accept & embrace what you are in your own skin.
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Know your values:
The first step toward knowing who you are, and therefore feeling confident about yourself, is identifying your core values. In a nutshell, these are the things that matter to you most. They’re the foundation of your identity and what drives your behavior.
While it’s true that some people’s personalities naturally lead them to value certain things more than others, everyone has their set of core values—even if they don’t know what they are yet.
To discover yours, consider the following:
- How would you describe yourself as a person?
- What do you love to talk about?
- What kinds of activities energize or drain you?
- Which kind of work environment motivates you?
Once you have a sense of which words or phrases summarize your personality best (e.g., “outdoorsy”) and what kinds of topics spark joy in conversation (e.g., “gardening”), spend some time thinking about why those qualities or subjects would be so important to your sense of self. Digging deeper can help bring out hidden motivations for the things we value most. For example, an “outdoorsy” person might care about getting fresh air because routine physical activity helps them feel healthy and relaxed overall; a gardening enthusiast might enjoy spending time with plants because they want to give back by making their community look beautiful.
In these cases, we can see that it’s not really the outdoor activities themselves but rather the general benefits they provide that make them valuable in our lives—and going forward, we can come up with other ways to achieve those same goals without relying on something as narrow as gardening or hiking alone.
We teach core values in-depth here at The You Series:
We focus on creating values in specific 3 areas. We believe that core values not only make up what you already are but they’re a guide that can keep you in alignment to stay in fulfillment, and reach your goals, and dreams in a way that feels good!
You can learn more about core values here (In-depth breakdown of core values, ebook guide & core value workbook resource!
Work on your self-esteem:
Self-esteem, or the ability to accept who you are and have self-confidence, is an important part of living a happy life. The path to improving this is something that we all can do for ourselves, but it’s not always easy.
There are various ways we can work on our self-esteem, from talking to people around us about how we feel to talking to yourself in the mirror—but there’s more than one way to make sure you don’t let low self-esteem control your life.
To start off with, know that everyone has bad days. Work on letting yourself off the hook when something goes wrong. Sometimes your best friend will be late for dinner; other times it will rain outside; sometimes you’ll legitimately forget where you put your keys; other times you’ll feel bad about getting rejected by someone you were interested in before realizing they’re actually a dick responsible for making everyone hate them at work. These things happen.
As long as they’re just part of being human, don’t let them get into your head and ruin your day because you made a mistake or didn’t do what was expected of you on time.
Grab The FREE eBook!
How To Reduce Stress & Build More Confidence
Set goals for yourself:
Another important step in building confidence is to set goals you can measure your progress against. A goal that’s measurable is an excellent way of tracking your progress and seeing where you’re doing well, which is a great way of building self-trust and confidence.
A measurable goal should be broken down into smaller steps or milestones so you can attain it incrementally. For example, if you want to learn a new language, consider starting with the alphabet, then build upon that knowledge by learning basic vocabulary words. Once those are mastered, you can work up to more complex concepts like sentence order and grammar.
If this sounds daunting at first, don’t worry! The most important thing is to simply start somewhere and commit to finding small ways of improving over time. Although it’s not possible for everyone to achieve their goals quickly or effortlessly (and it shouldn’t be), dedicating yourself to attaining even one specific goal will help you feel accomplished and proud of your work regardless of how long it takes.
Find people who believe in you
Find people who believe in you. If you’re looking to increase your self-confidence, sharing your goals with friends and family can be a great way to gain the support of those around you. It’s far more likely that someone will help you achieve your goal if it’s something they know about. So don’t be afraid to speak up about what you want or need! Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family as well as people who encourage personal growth will help build your self-confidence faster than anything else.
Accept compliments. While it may feel silly, learning how to accept a compliment is an important step toward feeling confident in yourself. Or in whatever situation you find yourself in. Whether someone tells you that they like your tie or that they like your presentation skills, accepting a compliment gracefully is good practice for learning how to be confident in yourself. This is what makes up your identity.
You can practice accepting compliments by saying “thank you” when someone gives one. Make eye contact with them, and even give them a compliment back rather than deflecting it or denying it outright!
It’s important to not only rely on other people for more confidence. As it is important to surround yourself with high-quality people. It’s also important to do the inside work to build yourself up and feel more confident in a relationship by focusing on first and foremost the personal growth steps that you work on internally.
Challenge yourself and celebrate small wins:
Of course, no amount of self-reflection or introspection can replace the value of getting out there and actually trying something new. You need to challenge yourself in order to grow! So if you’ve been feeling like you’re stuck in a rut and want to do something about it, start with a small goal. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental at first; the important thing is that you’re doing something new that makes you uncomfortable. If you feel nervous before taking on your challenge, that’s a sign that it’s good for you.
Once you’ve taken on your first small challenge, it’s important to celebrate yourself for even taking the leap in the first place! You should reward yourself for your effort. Maybe buy yourself some flowers or take yourself out for ice cream!
Maybe by now, after several small accomplishments under your belt, you’ll be ready to work on achieving something bigger.
For example; working up the courage to quit a job that’s making you miserable. And when (not if!) this happens, it’s crucial that you recognize and celebrate what an accomplishment this is.
Sure, maybe eventually down the line once everything gets settled into its new normalcy things will seem easier again. Right now at this moment in time…you just accomplished something incredible!
And don’t forget: along with massive leaps forward like quitting your job or buying a house…it’s just as important not to forget all those smaller wins along the way too!!
Celebrating small or large wins is a great habit to build so that you start feeling confident in your life.
Don’t be afraid to fail:
For starters, it’s important to note that failure isn’t a bad thing. In fact, failure is how we grow. When you read about successful people who have made their mark in various fields.
You will often come across stories of how they failed many times before they got to where they are now. If you think about it, even the word “learning” comes from the root word “failure”. Learning is what happens when we fail at something and try again until we get it right.
So don’t be afraid to fail!
If you’re too afraid to fail, you’ll never take the chances necessary for success. Define your failures as not achieving a goal, rather than as a negative personality trait like being “bad” or “lazy”. While it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed when things don’t work out. Make sure not to dwell on those feelings for too long. Delling on things prevents you from getting back on track and trying again.
Changing your perspective on failing is really important when your goal is to start feeling more confident in your day-to-day life. A great way to change your perspective around failure is starting to celebrate failure and begin it extract those lessons.
It’s ok if there are some mistakes along the road of life—that’s what makes it interesting! You just have to make sure that each time when you do stumble and fall down… That you pick yourself back up and keep going toward your goals.