The word judgement seems to have a bad twist around it. “Judging people is bad. It’s not a good representation of who I am if I judge others”. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably learnt about accountability and taking responsibility in your life. Take each opportunity to learn your lessons in life.
We do have to set boundaries because there are people in the world that will cross them if they can. This may bring you to the point of asking yourself whether a judgement placed on a person or situation is good or bad?
Is it right? or is it wrong?
Does it display a bad reflection of who I’m being or am I doing the right thing?
In this article, I’m going to help you clarify which type of judgement is good for your life and what judgements aren’t because there are different types of judgments styles.
1. Let's Define A Judgement:
I’ve found myself looking up definitions more and more throughout my recent years of life because I place my personal experience, perception and values on words. As we all do and something taking a moment to refresh our mind with what the definition is, might be just what we need.
the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Judgement within its definition is just simply seeing things as they are and making a decision as a result of that.
Though as it seems, in our world today we have so many people passing unhealthy judgements that aren’t really productive therefore the word “judgement” gaining its cringe-worthy experience.
As you seek for your balance in you’re life, it’s important to understand the value of judgement and how you can see a situation for what it is, as a result, learning more about setting boundaries and how you can guide and lead your life day-to-day.
2. Unhealthy Judgements:
Though I’ve found myself to be rather in my own little world and others not concerned with other people. I have found myself at lower points in life to feel the need to put other people down through judgement.
“What is he/she wearing.”
“They really could shower more often, my goodness they smell bad.”
You cannot deny that you’ve done it too. the little comments that have no purpose and if the other person heard them, they’d likely be hurt by your words.
Why judging people happens:
- Out of insecurity – feeling the need to make someone small to make ourselves bigger.
- Because of fear – worried about losing someone’s attention of time.
- Out of anger – most likely at this point you aren’t processing what you’re saying and if you are you’re just pushing forward despite the harm of your choice of words.
Unhealthy Judgment Quote:
When you’re just speaking poorly of other people with no purpose in mind. Usually, there is no action step to follow
3. Healthy Judgements:
In life, we have to see things as they are to move forward. I’m constantly thinking about all the kind loving people who stay in a bad relationship because they aren’t judging the situation and gaining the self-respect for themselves to get out of there. Then there are the people who keep around bad relationships just because they are there, and it’s convenient. It’s important for you to build up your confidence, and find & build healthy relationships.
It’s important to take a minute and ask yourself… Does this align with who I am? Does this align with my core values?
Here is when judging other people isn’t bad.
There comes a time when we might need to weigh out the odds and clarify in our minds if a situation is good for us. In those times we will find ourselves seeking advice, asking our loved ones, coaches, therapist, and friend for advice. This usually takes place in a solution-focused environment and action always follows. You do something about the situation and make a change or take a new turn in your life, therefore, progressing forward.
Here’s what you should do:
- Clarify what you want – what is important to you? What are some of your personal core values? (We cover more about core values below in step number 5)
- Talk about it if you need to – but have a solution, action-focused conversation. There is no need to be unkind, hateful, or mean about the situation. Make sure you have self-trust in yourself throughout this step!
- See things as they are – not how you wish them to be. This is the judgment portion of dealing with this situation.
- Leave that conversation with a solution – know what your next action step is. Remember, some kind of progress is better than no progress.
- Take action – do something about it.
Understanding that judgment is essential, it isn’t mean or unkind. It’s just having the ability to see things as they are and taking action to change what we don’t like in life is an important part of our progress in life.
Healthy Judgment Quote:
When you’re facing the issue, head on and looking for a solution, then following up with some kind of action… judgement is necessary!
4. Two Types Of People To Watch For:
Everyone is different. The world has a wide variety of people, and I’ve categorized them into two places. The givers of the world and the takers of the world. Mind you, this is not the end and all of how I classify other people, but this is said here in the article with the purpose to point out that we all don’t do things for the same reason and at times our intentions may be different. Observing others and knowing what they are about is important because life is not about staying in the wrong situation and wasting the one life we have! The givers of the world. They’re always finding a reason to give.
They are always ready to serve others and they give because they love to give. Givers aren’t always thinking about what they’ll get from others. They get their joy from giving and aren’t worried about what other people give them.
Takers are quite the opposite of givers. They’re always on the lookout to see what they’ll gain from a situation. If they do anything it’s because they expect to get something in return. They don’t like giving and instead prefer receiving.
Mind you – you’ll see this show up in many shapes sizes and forms in your life. The commonality you’ll notice is that givers are always ready to give more and takers are always looking to see what they can get.
Does this sound familiar to you?
The reason I’m even going other this idea is that… it’s important to get clear about who you are and who you want to be around in your life.
It’s also important to learn if you are a taker or a giver.
We will cross paths with people who can be extremely toxic and in these situations, it’s important to do the following.
Determining Your Direction:
- Become self-aware – Know who you are and how you function
- Be clear about the type of people you want in your life. Takers or Givers?
- See things as they are – remember you can judge a situation and a person’s action. Give people the benefit of the doubt but don’t let them continuously walk over you.
- Focus on finding a solution – be productive in finding a solution. What are you going to do with the situation at hand?
- Take action – do something about it.
Remember it’s okay to seek support about help from friends, family coaches, and therapists. Just be solution-focused.
Judging people is often not the issue, it’s what people choose to do with their judgments. Are you focused on creating a healthy outcome for everyone involved or are you just hurting people, and being harmful to others because of your biased judgment towards them?
If you’re looking to build your confidence up and break free from past old patterns that are no longer working for you. Learn more about how you can get on the phone with a coach & have a quick chat about what’s holding you back.
5. Get Clear About Who You Are:
Become crystal clear about who you are. It’s much easier making a tough decision when you’re clear about what’s important to you. A huge part of clarity is core values. The defining clues you create for yourself by owning in on your experiences and overall lifestyle. You can define core values in a few simple steps. Always be doing the work and take a little bit of action daily.
Learn more and more about yourself whenever you get the chance to!
Here are some common results of defining core values:
Focus On Learning About Yourself:
- Get clear about who you are
- Know what your core values are (Download the “Why Core Values Come First eBook Here)
- Judge the direction of your choices.
- Look carefully and determine if you choose to trust or not to trust certain people in your life.
Below I’ve added a great resource that we provide here on this site called “Why core values come first.” If you’re not sure what your core values are and would love to learn more I strongly recommend this resource below!
I hope this content has created a shift in how you look at your life and the way you interact with people that cross your path.
It’s important to remember that using our best judgment is an essential part of surviving and staying alive in our world.
You want to draw the line at gossip, bullying others, and wasting your valuable energy talking poorly about others but do not feel bad for seeing things as they are.
It’s important to use your best judgment when it comes to meeting new people, making a decision about a new potential romantic partner, or making a life decision. Using your best judgment is not bad, and in fact, it will keep you in alignment with your values and goals.
Take action that… protects you, keeps you safe, and has your best interest in mind.
Still not sure if you're right to judge what you're going through?
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I know there is lots of stigma around being judgmental and you’re probably conditioned not to judge many things in your life. Determining the difference and drawing the line of what to judge and what to not judge is very important. This is key to feeling strong, and confident about yourself. If you want to feel more grounded in yourself, and unapologetically stand up for what’s important to you. I can help!
Julia Maria Nica
Life & Dream Coach
Julia grew up in Vancouver, B.C. She immigrated from Romania to Canada in the ’90s with her family. Julia decided to find her passion. Just like many women, she experienced her own self-image challenges. She came up with the idea of The YOU Series as a part of unraveling the pain of her life. Today she focuses on building The You Series, coaching her clients, and creating new content.