How To Remove Emotional Pain, Discover What Doesn't Serve You

There is a lot that goes on in life from day-to-day. It can be unbearable to deal with what’s happening to us when we cannot pinpoint why something is happening to us. I’ve been a lover of learning about what ticks me off and why in the past 10 years of my life. I’ve learned a lot and I’m still unravelling a lot.

In this blog, I’ll outline what I’ve learned at one of the most recent seminars I’ve attended about myself, reducing emotional pain that comes up. I’ve included the IGTV video where I talk about my experience on my Instagram @juliamarianica

This Post Covers The Following:

Encouraging you to discover what’s effecting your happiness from day-to-day. Enrolling yourself in something that helps you self-improve.
Sharing my personal story with you. As well as sharing how mental and emotional punishment took place in my life.
How incredibly high standards can get in your way.
What contentment & clarity can do for your future.

Enroll Yourself in Something That Helps Your Mindset:

You can discover more about yourself when you enroll yourself in online seminars. This can reduce the emotional pain and help you to start processing what your going through. Taking a course about something you’d like to learn. register with a coach or learning from online sources is powerful and beneficial.

Investing in yourself is so powerful. No one can take away what you know and the experiences you gain in your life. An investment in your life allows you to be more in the driver’s seat of your life.

Enroll yourself in something that will help you to discover more about yourself. This will unravel what’s causing the emotional pain.

Emotional pain is one of two things:

1. It’s either caused by other people who use emotions to gain an advantage or upper hand with you.

2. Emotional pain can be completely self-inflicted. By self-inflicted I mean you’re not in harm’s way, you’re safe in your room but you’re still crying and hurting. That is the point where emotional pain becomes self-inflicted.

Punishment is a way human prolong emotional pain:

There are self-punishments, which cause emotional pain which look a lot like. “You did this wrong, so you no longer get these experiences or luxuries in life. “Constricting or blocking the possibility in life because of a past offence.”
Inflicting punishment on other people. When someone doesn’t meet an expectation or standard of yours. Your punishment for it.

My Story:

At about 18 years old my abusive (emotionally) boyfriend broke up with me. When I was around him, staying small and quiet was what I had to do.

At around the same time. I was wound up and made some bad decisions driving. It causing me to lose my license at about 19. Though I could get my license back I decided not to, I’d wait it out till I learned my lesson. As for my relationship status, I decided it would be ‘single’ for quite some time. The intention of being single came from a powerful place. My goal was to discover myself, to understand who I am as a woman so that I couldn’t make the same mistake again.

Set A Standard For Your Life, Don’t Be Stiff With It:

Setting boundaries and a standard for your life are important. I recommend that you have standards in your life. They will change and transform life in many ways. when standards are set in a good manner they also teach other people how to treat you.

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A post shared by JULIA | Life & Dream Coach (@juliamarianica) on Aug 30, 2019 at 6:15pm PDT

Here is when standards are no longer serving you:

When your high standards are hiding a massive fear of failure.
If your standards are punishing someone for what they did or who they choose to be.
When your standards are holding you back from living life.

When I decided that I would be single, set out to work on myself & I wouldn’t date. For the most part, it was incredible. The goal was that I love being alone, and I did. I wasn’t scared of being single. Speaking up about what I believed in, in public settings became a strength. This intention was beneficial to my success. I did have a standard that I’d travel.. get my career together and buy a place.

Only after I completed the list of things, then I would start dating. After about 7 years, some friends would say I became a male repellent. As men got closer, they could sense how committed I was to say “No” and that repelled them. They wouldn’t come around. A relationship became something that was out of the question.

Being single was a healthy choice in the beginning. For the first few years, it was what I needed. At some point, my goal to turn from something positive and became a punishment. I have this stiffness about getting into a relationship and a standard that nobody could cross, and no one could reach.

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The Truth About Perfection:

Here is the thing, life happens in a certain way that we cannot predict the process of how the thing plays out for us. You may have thought you’ll buy a house first before you have kids but by the happening of life, you have a baby first. The path you mapped out and planned never happens as you planned. Life sometimes has something else in store for us.

“In perfection is disguised the fear of failure”

Upon realizing this… I had always told myself I didn’t have a perfection issue. I wasn’t too organized or neat in my life. Tiles out of place didn’t bother me and a lack of order didn’t affect my routine. After hearing this, I was finally able to classify that it was in my standards that perfection lied. Nobody was good enough. Even I wasn’t good enough.

That’s where punishment set in. “I won’t get rewarded, until X, Y, & Z are complete.” It was the one thing that was holding me back from taking the leap and giving a relationship a try.

What Not To Do When Someone Doesn’t Meet a Standard:

Sometimes we punish others when they don’t meet our standards.

After some self-reflection. I realized that I punished others when they didn’t meet my standard. or when they don’t meet a certain expectation or criteria in your life. They aren’t quite there or doing enough to get approval.

There isn’t a lot of love in punishment.

When we take love away from ourselves or others, it’s painful.

Can you relate to this? Is there somewhere you’re punishing yourself? Is there a standard you’ve placed that disguises your fear of failure?

When’s the last time you understood why you’re experiencing a certain emotion or feel a certain way? Connect with me & share your experience

Why Contentment & Acceptance Are Important:

You’ll find true peace in understanding that nobody is perfect. We live in an imperfect world. Accepting what is and becoming complete about where you are at. Where you have been and that things will never be perfect is a great start!

Julia Maria Nica

Life & Dream Coach

Julia grew up in Vancouver, B.C. She immigrated from Romania to Canada in the ’90s with her family. Julia decided to find her passion. Just like many women, she experienced her own self-image challenges. She came up with the idea of The YOU Series as a part of unraveling the pain of her life. Today she focuses on building The You Series, coaching her clients, and creating new content.